SUPER WOMAN

I was having a very interesting conversation today with a friend of mine about the things that we won't dare say to people about our kids and certain feelings (deep down inside) that come up. The thing is, I feel like so many women can relate to feeling so down in the dumps that it feels like if we tell someone then we are guilty. Of what, you ask? I don't know. Just guilty. Maybe, to a mom, guilty of not loving her kids enough. To a wife, maybe of not loving her husband enough. To a woman, maybe of not loving herself enough. The common thing is that feeling of guilt that overrides any sensation to just tell someone how you are feeling in the hope that someone can relate. But how do you tell someone that you think you're not ready to be a mom and you have two kids? How do you tell someone that you don't know if you are in love with your husband and you have been married for 10 years? How do you tell someone that you have been one step away from falling so deep in a depression you couldn't dream of getting out? You can't and you know you can't because we women have a cape that has been placed on us over generations.

We have been told that we can offer help, but don't dare ever REALLY ask for it. We can cry and we can tell people what we are feeling, but we are told to never really show weakness. I don't know if this is more of a Latina thing, but I know I have spoken to others who are not and they can relate. They relate to this idea that we place on ourselves of this unbreakable, unbeatable SUPERWOMAN.

I have to openly admit that I have been guilty of this. A perfect example is when I went back to work and Leeya was finally sleeping better and it seemed like her colic had subsided, I began to tell people how horrible I was feeling being home and how all I wanted was to be at work because that I knew how to do. That was something I knew I was good at. Everyone kept asking why I hadn't said anything earlier and while I kept giving roundabout answers I realized that I did not give anyone a straight answer and I think the reason for that was that I didn't have one. I didn't know why I didn't tell people, but as I reflected and continue to reflect back I realize that it was mostly because I did not want to admit to myself that I was miserable. I was certainly not depressed because though I cried- oh boy did I cry- I didn't feel miserable ALL THE TIME. I just couldn't fathom why things had felt so right with my first baby and not with the second. I really thought because this was the second time around that I would be "used to it" and know "just what to do". I know it seems ridiculous, but I thought it and when it wasn't like that I thought it was my fault.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am working on taking off this cape and I know you can too! I have been doing a lot of thinking and I know that this won't be easy but I have not been honest with myself and if I can't be honest with me then who can I be honest with? I know now that I can be a "super" mom, but don't have to be "supermom" and more importantly I can be a "super" woman, but don't have to be "Superwoman".

Have you ever felt like a "super" woman or do you feel like you have to be Superwoman?