Samyak = Balance

How to find balance in a world that is filled with unbalance? That is where I am right now. I feel like I am trying to juggle so many things and have so many ideas that seem to be at the tip of the iceberg (is that even the right phrase?? You know what I mean). So many ideas that have not exactly come to full fruition but I can feel in my gut how beautiful they are.


It makes me think of the analogy I hear so often of the seed. I am at the point where I have gone to the market, seen my little seed packet, loved the picture, purchased the seed and planted it. Now, I am waiting for it to flourish... did I mention that PATIENCE is not my greatest virtue??? I want everything now! I want to see all my ideas made reality, but then again wouldn't that be bigger chaos than what I currently have. Alas, my issue of balance.


I recently learned that one of the coolest Sanskrit words (just love the way it sounds), samyak, means balance. How appropriate for this stage in my life. I am recently single. And by recently I mean 2 years and some change ago, come on people you know it's hard to let go of any relationship but one with a person with whom you've had kids is particularly difficult! This is particularly so if you are trying to remain amicable, "trying" being the key word. I still have a full-time job in non-profit, and am head on with my meditation practice- add to that a little yoga and that sums up my life. Pretty simple, you might think...where do you need to find balance there? Well, the relationship with the ex speaks for itself so I won't go there, the job and work balance... isn't that every working parent's struggle, single or not? And then there's my meditation practice. I have to laugh here because if you've ever sat down to meditate, you'll know that while having small children around "serene, quiet, peaceful" these are not necessarily the adjectives that go along with that. Loud, wild, sporadic those are more the adjectives that describe a household with small children, well at least mine.


I sat down the other day to do a morning prayer, and while the girls are well aware and respectful of all my things, they are particularly so about my Buddhas and offerings. So when I said, I am going to sit down and say (recite) Cherezig they "knew exactly what that meant". I will talk to you as soon as I am done...no questions before then ok? Look me in the eye. ok? OK! OK! Off they ran. Maybe 5 minutes into it comes the first question, "Mommy, can you please tell her to share" I try to ignore and see that this does not work. I look up and sort of nod, give the mom look and everything appears to have normalized. 5 more minutes "Mommy, mommy, mommy" I look up, a little serious and then OM MANI PADME HUM, balance! I know that when people think about meditation and sitting on their cushions, talking is not supposed to be part of it. I know that when you are reciting a mantra or a sadhana, you are supposed to go through it with single-pointed concentration but right then and there I realized that this is my personal practice. I am giving my heart to this practice and yes I may have to look up from a prayer every once in a while to ask a child to share or to remind them that they should use their words and not their hands, but it is okay. This is my balance. SAMYAK SAM BUDDHA YA!

I wasn't sure how to begin this post because it is filled with so much...I guess the best way to do this is to begin with updates on the girls.

Leeya is now walking, running, climbing and well everything but jumping. I am well aware of this because when Liana was learning to jump, it was the cutest thing in the world. I had no idea that this was such a feat to overcome until I saw her trying! SO CUTE!!! I will wait to see how Leeya goes about doing this.

Liana is talking more than ever. It's hard to explain just how much she talks to someone who does not know her, but trust me, she talks ALOT! To say she does not stop talking from the minute she wakes up to the minute she goes to sleep, is not an exaggeration. Those who don't know me will have to take my word for it, and those that do are laughing as we speak.

Liana is also preparing for pre-k. I have enrolled her in the cutest little pre-k in the whole world (well that may be an exaggeration, but it is really cute). She is super excited to be going to school and has been asking me for months about school and when she will be able to do her homework. I will remind her in about 10 years that she used to ask for homework and I know she won't believe me! I was told I would know where I wanted to send her because I would feel it in my heart- I did! They said it was like buying a house, which I've never done but I did know that this was the right place.

I am thrilled to see her start a new venture in her life, especially one that she has been so excited about as well. I'll keep you posted on how things go.

1, 2, 3... more like 1 and 3

I am in the process of planning my baby's 1st birthday. I am in awe that it has almost been one year since the birth of Leeya and three years since the birth of Liana. I can barely remember what life was like before them. I know that it was not a better life, or worse, it was just different and I thank them every day for allowing me the opportunity to be their mom. Here are some highlights of the last 12 months with my girls....


at the hospital
she loved her from the very beginning


more love

true happiness


How could I be anything but happy that I am able to wake up every morning to these smiling faces. I love them more than I ever thought I was capable of loving. HAPPY BIRTHDAY my two princesses!!!!


*I will post pics of Liana's birthday celebration soon...lots of smiles and cupcakes. What else could a 3year old ask for???

It's Easy If You Try

This week at work has been so hectic since it is the final week before our biggest fundraiser. It's always crazy because everyone is on edge and overworked and the day to day things are still going on, but no one really has time to deal with these sort of things. The problem is, no one will admit that so everyone feels an added sense of pressure. With that said, I am very happy to be home "early" and able to put some thoughts down on "paper".

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Trying to go inside myself to see where I need to go and in what direction my life will lead. I can't say that I know for sure, but what I can say is that this week I learned a very valuable lesson and I would like to share this experience with all of you. I don't want to bore you with too many details but please bear with me as I let you into a little piece of me and not so much the girls.

There are certain things in my life that have "felt right" but nothing so much as meditation. It's crazy to think that the journey that I am on started many years ago when I walked into a very good friends house and just before opening the door he whispered, "Please keep your voices down and walk right into my room because my mom is meditating". I don't know how long I stood there between the front door and the bedroom door, but it felt like hours. I swear I can almost smell what the house smelled like and I just remember staring in awe at this person, so serene, so calm, "meditating". I thought this was the most amazing thing in the world and therein began my journey into myself. Mind you this is years later and I am not much further from where I was almost 12 years ago, but I am okay with it and that's what I'm learning is most important. Love for ME.

It sounds very cliche to say that "All you need is love" but if there is not love, then what is there? Nothing. What's crazy is that although LOVE is so easy, we have made it such a mystery because we listen to our minds and confuse it for our hearts. I am learning to distinguish between heart and mind and it's incredible the innate intuition that has been able to flourish. Basically, this is me saying to the world, I know I am not perfect, but imperfect as I am: I LOVE ME!

Flying Red Eye, Trying to get Shut Eye

We're back from vacation!! It was MUCH NEEDED time off , but I can't believe I actually survived the flights. We left on Wednesday evening at 10:55 and arrived at our first stop in Colombia at 6:00 AM! I can't even begin to explain what this was like for the girls. They are used to sleeping on their own and being able to spread out and move around (they both move A LOT while they sleep). I felt so bad because they both kept waking up when they moved to get comfortable and would look at me with the saddest eyes of discomfort. The woman that was sitting in front of the baby was very upset, she even turned around several times and gave her dirty looks to try and get her to stop kicking her seat. Now, I definitely understand that it sucks to have someone kicking the back of your chair when you are tired and on a plane but 1- she is a baby, giving her dirty looks means nothing to her 2- I had managed to get permission to use the paid ticket for the baby and therefore have her in her car seat so she slept most of the time, it was maybe 45- 1 hr that she was awake and maybe 20min to 30 min of sporatic kicks. Maybe it's because I'm her mom, but I was very proud of her and thought that she was very well-behaved. I mean two kids under 3 on a red eye??? I even had a woman copliment me on the girls on her way out so, besides the cranky woman in front of Leeya it seemed like others agreed with me.
On the way back to the US it was a muh different story. There was a huge mix up and hubby left when we were supposed to and I waited for my mom and sister. Even after the wait, the girls and I still had to leave without them (I am sparing you the details of a horrific 2 days dealing with Avianca employees that flatout lied to us). Liana was very cranky from the wait and to make things worse she spilled water all over herself and threw a fit until I took her pants off so she was in her panties from then on since all our luggage was checked. She threw another HUGE tantrum on the plane and I wanted to crawl in a hole and die!!! The flight attendants kept coming by and very politely saying how she really needed to stop screaming. I don't remember how I finally got her quiet but as soon as she got settled she fell fast asleep. After a few minutes in the air, she fell off her seat and while I thought that she would never get back to sleep, I realized that it was a blesing since she had more room to sleep on the floor and I left her there (PLEASE do not write me about how this is abuse, I swear I thought about it a lot, but she was truly comfortable and slept the whole way). Since she slept on the floor I was able to lay the baby out on her seat and sat next to her, holding her so that she wouldn't fall. Basically the only one that didn't sleep was me, making sure that both girls were comfy and that Leeya didn't fall on top of Liana while she was sleeping. She did keep hitting her head on the arm rest and she would wake up cying each time she did it, so I was also holding her trying to get her not to move up too far. Overall, it was a very very tiring trip and my lesson learned was to never do a red-eye trip with youg kids again OH and more importantly, never fly AVIANCA ever!!!


Here they are, sleeping on the way there:

Soaring above the clouds

I am taking the girls on their first international trip tomorrow and I am quite nervous about the flight. I have taken Liana on a short plane ride to North Carolina, that was only about an hour or so, but this is going to be 6 hours and 2 kids. Hubby will be coming as well as my mom and my sis. We're actually flying out because it is my grandmother's 90th birthday and the whole family is meeting up to celebrate it with her. So now my extended family will be able to meet my hubby and my kids :)
Back to this whole flying with two kids thing, any experiences??? thoughts??? I am "hopefully" bringing a portable DVD player (hopefully because my sister is in charge of getting it out of a trunk that is complicated to get into) also packing toys to keep my daughters entertained..... but really how do you entertain a 7 1/2 month old??? She hates being on people's laps, she doesn't really sleep in her car seat (she has to be EXTREMELY TIRED) and all she really likes is to suck on her fingers but then she makes a huge pile of drool and it's just a mess! If i have the DVD player then Liana should be good most of the way with Barney and Dora over and over. If no DVD player, well I will have to think of a REALLY great plan b.
The sad thing is that when I asked people for advice about flying I was told that I should give my children tylenol or something to calm them?!??!?!?! I barely give my children tylenol unless they have a certified fever... no precautious Tylenol before the shots, nothing like that. I just don't think it's good idea- sorry to those of you who may do this. I was just raised very hollistically and I think it messes with the immune system when you use it without actual NEED.
So here I am freaking out typing away and I'm thinking what I should be doing is thinking of a plan B... ok. I'm off to finish packing and find the best PLAN B there is.... but then again, is there really one that fits this criteria???? OH BROTHER!!! WISH ME LUCK- see you when I return :)

Gone for a sec, now I'm back for a minute :)

I apologize for being gone for a while. I got so caught up in other things that I let my passion for writing on the side and days turned into more days, that then turned into months. I finally decided it was time to be back FOR ME! So here I am with a little update about the girls.... thanks for reading. Hope you continue to enjoy our adventures :)

• LEEYA IS SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! It worked! After day 5 she had a few times when I thought it was ruined, but much to my surprise she has been able to get herself back to sleep rather quickly. Sometimes I think it may also be that I've gotten used to it so I sleep through her laughing (yes, people, when she wakes up she's not crying, she's laughing so I can't even really complain).



• Leeya now has two teeth and is an expert at "running" through the house in her exersaucer. It is quite hilarious since she thinks she is always in it and is like a jumping jelly bean while in anyone's arms.

• Leeya has been on and off a nebulizer... if anyone has home remedies for congested chests, etc PLEASE let me know... the nebulizer makes me want to cry everytime I use it :(

• Liana has discovered her father's "tail". She ran into the bathroom while he was showering and belts out "daddy, you have a tail!" It was hysterical.

I'll leave you with a current picture of the two BFF's :